Letting Go
by kat07cullen
Summary: There are things that we don't want to happen but have to accept, things we don't want to know but have to learn and people we can't live without but have to let go. Bella, Edward and their friends deal with tragedy and loss in their senior year. The year changes their lives forvever in ways that they could never have anticipated. Contains character death. All-Canon.
1. Chapter 1

_There are things that we don't want to happen but have to accept, things we don't want to know but have to learn and people we can't live without but have to let go_.

Prologue

The grey mist of Forks swirled around her as she stared out across the ocean. Her toes dung into the sand. Rain caused her clothes to cling to her body. She didn't care.

The only thing she felt was numb.

The only question in her mind was would she ever feel again.

She could remember laughing and smiling. She had felt love. Now it was all covered by a haze.

She looked up at the cliffs towering over the beach and wondered if she should just end this all now.

Nothing held her back. Not anymore.

_So tell me what you think _


	2. Chapter 2

_Wow thanks for all the follows and favourites. You all made my day. As I thank you here is the next update _

_I don't own any of the characters in the story they all belong to SM. The story is all original. This story has travelled in two different directions in my head so this is the first idea. I will publish the second one as All I have lost when this story is finished. They both start with the same prologue_.

**Letting go doesn't mean giving up, but rather accepting that there are things that cannot be**.

Chapter 1

Two years earlier

Bella Swan was packing up the last of her things in her bedroom in Florida. She had loved visiting her Mom and Phil over the summer but she was now anxious to get back to Forks. She missed her wonderful boyfriend Edward. They had met two years earlier when she moved to Forks to live with her Dad. They started dating three weeks after meeting and had been together ever since. Bella missed her sweet Dad. Renee was fun but after six weeks it was time for the normality of life with her father. In two weeks she would be starting her senior year at Forks High. Bells was actually excited. It promised to be a fun year.

Her best friend Jacob and his girlfriend Leah had transferred to Forks High from the Res school. They would all be together along with Rosalie, Emmett, Mike, Jessica, Angela and Ben. Rosalie was Edwards's sister and Bella's best female friend. They did everything together and Bells had missed her like crazy the past six weeks.

Rosalie and Emmett had been dating since middle school. He was the Captain of the Football team and she was Captain of the Cheerleading team. They were perfectly matched and the schools golden couple. Mike and Jessica had been friends since Kindergarten and together for a year. They were so sweet and Bella loved them both. Jess lived next door to Bella and the two spent a lot of time together. Lastly Angela and Ben well they were both computer nerds and together they ran the school newspaper. They had only recently admitted to having feelings for each other. Everyone else had seen it for years.

They made a strange group of friends but they were always together and supported each other no matter what.

Bella finally zipped her case closed and looked out the window towards the ocean.

Renee walked into the room.

"All ready Bella?"

"Yes thanks Mom."

Renee gave her a tight hug then pulled back with a frown.

"Bella you are putting on weight honey. You don't want to start your senior year as the fat kid."

"Mom I am fine."

"No Bella you have a very sporty boyfriend. You know men like that don't want a fat girlfriend. He will drop you in a second if you keep going like this."

"Mom Edward loves me just as I am. He knows I am a bookworm and not that sporty. Getting a scholarship to Dartmouth is what matters the most to me."

"I am just saying that all that pizza with your dad is not a good thing. I know you aren't sporty but maybe you could try going for a walk sometimes or eat a bit more salad."

Bella just sighed.

"Alright Mom I will try. We need to get to the airport now or I will miss my flight."

"Thanks honey. You know I am just saying that because I care."

"Yes Mom now let's get going."

That evening

Bella was so happy to be home. That last day with her mother had just been a bit stressful. Her Dad was downstairs ordering pizza and Bella was in her room unpacking.

She thought about what her Mom had said. Bella stood in front of her full length mirror and lifted her shirt up. Her Mom was right. She was getting a bit chunky. She had a fat roll hanging over her jeans and those where definitely love handles on the side. Bella stood there for a long time pinching her side and stomach. She did need to lose quite a few pounds. She wanted to look good for herself and for Edward.

That night she had two slices of pizza instead of her normal six and when her stomach growled in hunger she ignored it. Charlie asked her what was wrong. She told him she wasn't that hungry and had eaten on the plane. It was the first time she had ever lied about food.

_So tell me what you think so far. Pretty please review The more reviews I get the more inspired I feel._


	3. Chapter 3

**Only two reviews **

**I still want to write this story so I guess I will just have to live with that**.

_We've known lots of pleasure,  
At times endured pain,  
We've lived in the sunshine  
And walked in the rain._

_But now we're separated  
And for a time apart,  
But I am not alone  
You're forever in my heart._

_Death always seems so sudden,  
And it is always sure,  
But what is oft' forgotten  
It is not without a cure._

_There may be times you miss me,  
I sort of hope you do,  
But smile when you think of me,  
For I'll be waiting for you._

_Now there's many things for you to,  
And lots of ways to grow,  
So get busy, be happy, and live your life,  
Miss me, but let me go._

Chapter Two

ONE WEEK LATER

It was Friday night and a Friday to be celebrated. On Monday they would all start their senior year at school.

The group of friends were out at Sam's house one of the boys from the Reservation. There must have been a hundred people at the party. Sam and his friends were in their early twenties so alcohol was freely flowing.

The friends were sitting outside on some logs sipping warm beers from plastic cups.

"So Bella what are your plans for the year?"

They always did this. It was a tradition that had started with those that had always lived in Forks years when they were in Middle School.

The Friday before school started everybody had to set their goals or plans for the year.

Bella took a long pull from her beer and leaned back into Edward's arms.

"Well Mike my goals for this year are pretty boring."

Everybody laughed. That was Bella's standard start.

"I want to get a scholarship to Dartmouth or Yale. I want to do really well on my SAT's. I want to get fall down drunk at least once. Have lots of fun with my awesome friends. I am going to miss you guys so much if you go to other school's that I have to convince you all to join me on the East Coast. Finally I want to lose 30 pounds so I look awesome."

Edward frowned at the last bit.

"Bella you are perfect as you are. There will be nothing left of you if you lose that much weight."

"Shut up Edward."

Bella leaned in and gave him a kiss.

"So Mike what are your goals for the year?"

"I want to get selected for Varsity Football and Basketball. To get amazing scores on my SAT's so I can get into an East coast school. I want to get accepted to the Law programme. To be better at saving money so I can get myself a new car this year. My old Volkswagen is dying on me. I also want to spend lots of time with guys and have an amazing year."

"Edward you are next."

"My goals are to spend lots of time with my amazing sexy girlfriend, have fun with my friends, captain the Varsity basketball team, play Varsity football again and get into Dartmouth."

"Rosalie your turn."

"I want to continue as Captain of the cheerleading squad and get my team to nationals this year. Sorry Bells but I want to go to UDub with Emmett. I want to spend time with my friends and have the most amazing year. Oh and I want to be Prom Queen."

"Of course you be Prom Queen Rose you are the most popular girl in the school."

Emmett kissed Rosalie's golden locks.

"Okay my goals are to get a football scholarship to UDub. Captain the football team again and have a really good year. I want to be Prom King but only so nobody else gets to dance with my Rose."

"Jessica you are next."

"Hmm okay I want to spend lots of time with you guys. I would like to get into the same school as Mike. I want an awesome dress for Prom. I would like to be vice-captain of the cheer squad so I can spend more time with Rose. I want to enjoy this last year of school and I know I will because I have the best friends. I love you guys. Okay Angela your turn."

"I want to get more people involved in the school paper. I would like to get into journalism school at NYU. I plan to start a website this year showcasing my photos. I plan to have a fun year with all of my friends and try to spend more time with Ben."

Angela smiled shyly at Ben.

"Alright I want to spend more time with Angela and get into IT school at NYU. Oh and I also want to have a great year with you guys."

Everyone laughed at Ben's awkward ending. The two of them made such a cute couple.

The rest of the evening was spent laughing and talking.

At around midnight Lauren the school gossip came to join the group.

"Guys have you seen the two new students."

"No Lauren but I am sure you can tell us all about them"

Sarcasm dripped from Edward's voice. Lauren really annoyed him and always had.

Lauren ignored him and carried on.

"Look to the left you can't miss them. The two incredibly good looking people. They are the adopted children of Dr Cullen the new Doctor at Forks Hospital. You can't date them though. They are a couple. How sick and twisted is that?"

"Lauren they aren't actually brother and sister so I am pretty sure its okay if they date."

"I don't care its still twisted. Their names are Jasper Hale and Alice Brandon. Apparently they kept their own surnames. They are seniors like us. I don't know they just freak me out."

"Be nice Lauren. I know that can be really hard for you."

Lauren glared at Emmett and stalked away from the group.

"We should invite them to sit with us on Monday. I know how lonely a first day can be."

"Good idea Bella."

LATER

"Guys it almost 2am I am exhausted."

Emmett put his arms around Rosalie.

"Yeah I think we are going to head now. See you all tomorrow at the Lake."

"Sure see you Em. Angela and Ben do you guys want a lift home?"

"Thanks Edward that would be great."

"I'll take Bella and Jess home as its on my way."

"Thanks Mike."

Edward wrapped his arms around Bella and gave her a kiss goodnight.

"Call me when you get home love."

"Of course Edward. I love you."

"Love you to babe."

The friends walked to their separate cars.

Bella got in the back of Mike's 1985 Volkswagen station wagon. She would miss the old beast when he sold it but Mike was right he did need a new car.

They chatted happily about the upcoming year. Bella and Jess made plans for a sleepover the next night.

Mike leaned down and turned up the song Slow Life by Grizzly Bear. They all loved that song.

As the chorus started life slowed down for the three friends in the car.

A truck was coming towards them on the wrong side of the road. Mike tried to brake but nothing happened. He swerved but was he was going too fast. The car flipped as it hit the side of the road.

The car rolled six times down the hill before slamming into a tree.

In the car there was silence except for the slow drip of blood against the roof.

**Pretty please review**.


	4. Chapter 4

**I got three reviews on the last chapter. Please tell me what is wrong with this story so that I can change it. Thanks and thank you to those who reviewed. It means the world to me.**

_In the end it's not the years in your life that count, it's the life in your years._

Chapter Three

Edward sat on his bed and checked his phone for the tenth time. It was 2:30 and Bella still hadn't called. She should have been home twenty minutes ago. Her house wasn't far from the Reservation. He tried calling her again but her phone just rang. Edward couldn't shake the feeling of fear that was filling him. He called Jess and Mike but their phones just rang as well.

Edward grabbed his car keys and headed out to look for her. Two miles from Bella's house he saw a sight that made his world spin.

The road side barrier was torn apart. He stopped his car and climbed out to have a look. There was Mike's car upside down against a tree about forty feet below.

The headlights still shone making the whole scene more eerie.

Edward half slipped and ran down the slope towards the car. He pulled out his phone and called the hospital.

As he got to the car another car stopped on the road.

He tried to pull open the passenger door but he didn't have the strength.

"Let me help you with that."

Edward turned around to find Jasper standing next to him.

"Thanks for stopping. I will try the back door."

In the light from the torch that Alice was holding Edward could now see inside the car. Nobody was moving.

Jasper grabbed the door and pulled it open with what seemed like superhuman strength. He reached in and switched off the engine before walking to the front of the car to disconnect the battery.

Edward undid Jessica's seatbelt and carefully pulled her out of the car.

Jasper took a deep breath before taking her from Edward and laying her carefully on the grass.

Alice seemed to be looking intently at Jasper. He slowly shook his head.

Jasper got up and opened the back door. Edward went in and got Bella out. He could feel her heartbeat against his chest as he pulled her out. Jasper meanwhile pulled Mike out the front. As he laid Mike on the grass he gave Alice the same look as before and then shook his head.

The paramedics arrived and took Bella from Edward's arms.

"Would you like me to drive your car to the hospital Edward?"

Edward looked at Alice in confusion. The world was spinning so fast that he couldn't really understand what she said.

Alice smiled at him and took his keys from his hand.

"Go with Bella to the hospital. She needs you now."

Edward shook off his shaky feeling and thanked Alice before walking up the hill towards the ambulance.

He turned around at the top of the slope. What he saw at that moment caused to fall against the ambulance door.

The paramedics were zipping closed body bags around Jessica and Mike.

**Short update but reviews will get you longer chapters **


	5. Chapter 5

Hi everyone. I have decided to keep this story up and I promise not to take any stories down in the future. I got upset that nobody was reading the story but that was stupid. I write for all of you but I also write for me and the release I feel getting these stories out of my head.

As to all the stuff on FB and the news today... I have been the one finding about all the times my boyfriend (now ex) cheated on me. It sucks I know. Every time I heard more about it I wanted to go and hide. That was just my circle of friends so I can just imagine how much it hurts when the whole world knows. The only thing I can say is that I forgave him the first, second and third time. Wow I am a fool right? According to my ex the first time you feel guilty but it makes the second time so much easier. Lovely Now I know that I can never deal with that again. My husband touches another woman and it will be over between us. So that's my two cents on the subject. Hmm maybe I should write a cheating story at some point.

I do love writing from experience and in case you are wondering the eating disorder part of this story comes from that.

So thanks for convincing me to come back this will be a short update.

Remember me when I am gone away,  
Gone far away into the silent land;  
When you can no more hold me by the hand,  
Nor I half turn to go yet turning stay.  
Remember me when no more day by day  
You tell me of our future that you plann'd:  
Only remember me; you understand  
It will be late to counsel then or pray.  
Yet if you should forget me for a while  
And afterwards remember, do not grieve:  
For if the darkness and corruption leave  
A vestige of the thoughts that once I had,  
Better by far you should forget and smile  
Than that you should remember and be sad.

Chapter Four

EPOV

I sat holding Bella's hand in the hospital. It had been three long days since the accident and today Bella is going home.

By some miracle she has a broken leg, three broken ribs and a sprained wrist. It could have been so much worse.

She could have been in one of those bags.

I still can't bring myself to think too much about those two black bags. The image that keeps playing in my head is of Jessica's blonde curls soaked in blood. The last image before the zip closed.

Today is the first day of senior year. It should have been a day filled with happiness but now I will have to drag myself to school.

Bella is still sleeping but I wanted one quick moment with her before I face the horror of today.

Jess and Mike were both only children. I can still hear their parents screaming as Dr Cullen told them the news.

In four days we will bury both of them.

Bella has hardly talked since the accident. When she woke up after her surgery she just kept whispering why me and staring out the window.

She won't eat and cries constantly when she is awake. I am trying to be strong for her and deal with my own pain.

Jasper and Alice have been such good friends to all of us. They have helped everyone even though they never new Mike and Jess.

Jasper is taking me to school today. I know it sounds crazy but my car is still in the hospital parking lot were Alice left it. I don't want to drive. Not yet anyway.

Jasper has just walked into the room.

"Hey man are you ready to go yet?"

I nod and get up. I give Bella a quick kiss on her cheek before following him out.

Today is going to be a long day with far too many questions.

Wow Jasper has a nice car. I didn't really see it on Friday night. Its a black Bugatti Veyron. Sheesh I am sure that thing costs a couple of million dollars. I thought my parents had money but that is crazy amounts of money.

The ride to school is quite with both of us lost in our own thoughts.

The first person I see when we get to school is Lauren. Yuck.

"Oh Edward this is just so sad. I will be there for you no matter what."

Her eye's are filled with tears. Jasper gives her a dirty look and I manage to pull her off me.

"Thanks Lauren. That is very nice of you but I need to go be with my friends now."

"Aren't we friends Edward? I always thought we could be so much more than that. It's pity Bella survived we could have been great together but I am still here for comfort if you need me."

I look at her in utter horror. How could anybody say something like that?

"You are a bitch Lauren and always have been but that was low even for you. It's a miracle Bella survived."

I pushed past her and into the school.

I could hear whispers all around me. People gave us all pitying looks then turned away.

Today was going to be a hellish long day. I just wanted to get back to Bella.


	6. Chapter 6

_Sorry I have been terrible about updating. Life and work tend to get in the way. I am leaving again this afternoon for a week but I will be back on Tuesday. At the moment I can't wait to make my writing my life and to get away from my soul sucking job. So when my book comes out in December please support me. _

_I still don't own Twilight go check your book cover I promise you that's not my name there_.

**How terrible it is to love something that death can touch.**

**BPOV**

Numb. That is how I feel all the time. I miss Jess and Mike with all my heart. Right now I am standing in my room looking out the window towards her house. I keep waiting for her to come running across the lawn.

Instead there is a black car in the drive way and her parents are waiting for me to join them.

Today is the funeral and I have no idea how I am supposed to get through this. All I want to do is go for a run to try and ease the pain. Instead I pick up my crutches and with great difficulty make my way downstairs.

Charlie helps me into the car. I can't stop the guilt that threatens to overwhelm me when I see their parents.

They are being so nice to me and somehow that makes it worse. I just can't understand how I lived and my friends died.

I feel like something within me died that day in the car.

It feels like hours before we arrive at the high school gym. The whole town seems to be here.

Edward walks up and helps me towards the front. I sit down on a hard plastic chair and look at the two identical coffins in front of me. On top of each coffin is a photo of the two of them taken at our Junior Prom. They are both smiling. Bunches of flowers cascade around both coffins.

Our friends surround me. They all wear the same expression of shock and sadness.

"Family and friends we are gathered here today to say farewell to two people taken far too young. Jessica and Mike both had long lives ahead of them filled with love and promise. It is always sad when lives are cut so drastically short. We will never know the reason God chose to take them from us but we thank him every day for the time we had together. They were both shining lights in our community who touched the lives of all they met. They were part of a group of close friends and we pray now for God's comfort to these young people whose lives have been touched with such great tragedy. We pray especially for Jessica's best friend and neighbour Bella Swan. Bella was in the accident that took their lives and by some miracle she survived. We will all be here for you Bella as you face the long road to physical and emotional recovery."

I drowned out the rest of Angela's father said. Why was everyone being so nice to me? I wanted somewhere to channel my feelings of guilt. I wanted to know why I survived and they didn't.

Eventually the service ended and I was able to walk slowly to the car. We drove in silence to the burial ground. The trip was slow with our car directly behind the hearse.

I couldn't stop the tears that flowed freely down my cheeks as the bodies of my friends where slowly lowered into the ground. Edward helped me to walk forward and place a rose in each grave.

As the dirt filled their graves I felt myself withdrawing from the world.

**Two Months Later**

EPOV

Bella still hasn't moved on from the deaths of Jess and Mike. I want to be there for her and help her but she just pushes me away. I thought we would always be together but now I don't know. She has put up a wall that I don't know how to break down. When she kisses me it just feels like she is just going through the motions.

She still sits with all of us at lunch but she never eats. Every day I try to get her to share some of my lunch but she always claims to have had a big breakfast. Rosalie tries to get her to go shopping with her and Alice but she is never interested. She hardly talks to Alice and Jasper and claims that we are just trying to replace Mike and Jess. I have tried pointing out the Jess and Mike would have welcomed them into the group but Bella won't listen to me.

Emmett tries cracking jokes with Bella but she barely even smiles. Jasper avoids her for the most part and looks like he is in pain when she is around. I understand him. Spending time with Bella now is depressing.

She never wants to see me in the evenings anymore. The only time I see her after school is on one of the running trails in the forest. She will sometimes run with me for awhile but if she starts tiring and I hang back she always tells me to finish my run. I was excited when she first started running as I thought it was something we could together but apparently she doesn't want that.

She is utterly broken and I don't know how to get her back.

The noise of my cell phone ringing pulled me from my depressing thoughts.

Charlie.

"Hey Mr. Swan. How are you?"

"Hi Edward. I need to talk to you about Bella. Things are getting worse and I need to know if you can help? Can you meet me at the Dinner in 15 minutes?"

"Of course I will be there."

I hang up the phone and stared at the glowing screen. How could things be any worse?

**LATER**

"Hi Edward. Take a seat."

I slid into the booth opposite Charlie. The waitress arrived and I ordered a coffee.

"Edward did you and Bella break-up? You can be honest with me I know life with her is not easy so I would understand."

"No Charlie we are still together. I don't know if you can call it dating anymore as she never seems to want to see me but we haven't officially split up. I still love her but she just pulls away all the time."

"I guess I was just wondering why you are never around anymore but that explains it. Edward, Bella's grades are slipping to the point I doubt she will get a scholarship. She spends all her time in her room and she tells me she is studying but that can't be true. I hardly see her anymore. We never eat together as she always tells me she had a big lunch at school and isn't hungry. She goes straight up to her room or out for a run when I get home. I feel like I am losing my little girl and I am lost."

"Charlie do you think she eats breakfast?"

"I have no idea I always leave for the station before she gets up and if she is up she is out running. I guess she must eat breakfast at some point. Why do you ask?"

"She never eats lunch at school. In fact she hasn't eaten at school since the accident. Bella always tells me that she ate a big breakfast at home and isn't hungry yet."

"Oh." Charlie's eye's grew wide at the realisation of what I had just said hit him.

Bella was literally fading away from all of us not just emotionally.

We both just sat there in the both lost in our own thoughts.

**BPOV**

My dad was working late again. I was thrilled at least it meant I didn't have to talk to him. I love Charlie but he doesn't understand me. At least Edward was starting to stay away from me. They are all starting to understand that I am fat and not worthy of love. They can all see that I should have died in that accident and let Jess live. She was pretty and thin. Everybody loved Jess.

The only person who understands me is Ana. She knows I am not worthy of love now but with her help I know I can be pretty and thin.

I peeled off the clothes from my run and went to stand on the scale. 91 pounds. At 5 foot 4 inches that means I have dropped below 16 on the BMI scale. It's still fat and now that I stand in front of the mirror I can see the rolls. Still I am losing weight and soon I will be pretty enough for Edward.

**EPOV **

I picked up my phone and called Jasper. I had promised to help Charlie with Bella and now we had a vague plan.

"Jasper it's Edward is your Dad at home."

"Sure why do you ask?"

"Do you think I could come over and talk to him? Its about Bella. I need some medical advice."

"I am sure he would love to help. Come on over now."

"Thanks man see you soon."

**JPOV**

At least Edward has realised what Bella is doing. I have a horrible feeling that it may be too late but at least we can try.

_That's it till next week. I am looking for a Beta for my stories so please let me know in a review if you are interested._


	7. Chapter 7

I am still looking for a Beta if anybody is interested.

This story is based on my own experience and research.

I don't own Twilight but I do own this plot and storyline. I also own tickets to see Linkin Park and Lady Gaga in November

**What we used to have we don't have it anymore**.

EPOV

When I arrived at the Cullen Mansion Dr Cullen was already waiting on the front porch.

He stood up to shake my hand.

"Welcome to our home Edward. My son told me that you wanted to speak to me in private."

"Thank you Dr Cullen. I really appreciate you taking the time to talk to me."

"Please call me Carlise and really we have all the time in the world. So tell me about your problem."

"Well it's not my problem as such; well I guess it's mine. My long time girlfriend Bella, you remember the girl who survived the accident?"

"Yes I remember her very well."

"Yesterday I had dinner with her father Charlie and he asked me to try and help her but I don't know what to do. Since the accident she has become obsessed with exercise and food. She hardly ever eats now. She has become skin and bones. Bella used to be fun and outgoing but now she won't talk to anyone and avoids seeing me at all costs. I love her Carlise but I think I am losing her and I have no idea how to help."

"When you say skin and bones how much would you guess Bella weighs now?"

"I don't know probably about 90 but it could be less."

"You say she become obsessed with exercise."

"Yes. Last year Bella hardly did any exercise beyond gym at school and hikes with friends. I was so happy when she started running as I thought it was something we could share but she runs alone. Bella runs every morning and every night for about an hour. Charlie tells me he can hear her doing push ups and crunches in her room. It's not social or fun ever."

"Does she ever eat as school?"

"No she never touches food at school. I have sometimes seen her with an apple but that's it. She frowns at the amount our friends eat and generally looks away in disgust."

"Well I would say that she is displaying the classic signs of anorexia. I guess you suspected that as well. An accident is not a normal trigger I would say this started beforehand and the accident and the guilt she feels have made the symptoms worse. Edward she needs professional help. There is a really fantastic clinic about an hour south of here. I will get the details for you and then I will meet with you and Charlie to decide how best to proceed. I know its difficult right now but you need to be there for he."

"Thank you Carlise. I don't want to ever leave her. Despite her pushing me away I am still desperately in love with her."

JPOV

I leaned back against the couch and closed my eyes. Well at least they were helping Bella. Alice saw Edward as a huge part of our future and I really didn't want to see him hurt. When she tried to see Bella's future it was always blurry. There were just too many decisions to be made for her to see clearly.

I pulled Alice closer to me and she snuggled under my arm. It looked like our peaceful lives were going to get a whole lot more complicated in Forks.

**Pretty please review Thanks for all the story alerts **


	8. Chapter 8

Thank you to everyone who read this story. Bigger thanks to everyone who reviews or fav's the story I love you guys!

This chapter is really dark again but I promise there will be a few light moments in the story.

**These wounds won't seem to heal  
This pain is just too real  
There's just too much that time cannot erase**

BPOV

Today was a bad day. I couldn't get out of bed in the morning. I just lay in my bed crying haunted by the dreams of the accident that still plague me. There is a part of me that wants to move forward and be me again but I just can't seem to find the strength. I ended up spending the whole day in bed and I only got up for a two hour run followed by a shower when Charlie left for work. After the shower I crawled back into bed again.

An hour later

Edward is here. I can hear him talking to my Dad downstairs. There is a man with them but I don't recognise his voice.

Two hours later

They are still all talking but I can't make out the words. Charlie is crying and I can hear the pain in Edwards's voice. I want to know what is going on but I just can't seem to get out of bed. That run took everything out of me. I bet I have broken the 80 pound mark today. I smiled to myself and drifted off to sleep.

EPOV

Last night's talk was tough but we have worked out a plan to help Bella. I can't believe that the girl I love is being booked into a facility to help save her life. I thought that the worst moment of my life was seeing that upside down car but somehow this feels worse. It feels like Bella wants to die.

Charlie spoke to Renee last night and she is flying in this morning. Charlie has just left to go and fetch her from the airport. I can't believe this is all really happening.

Three hours later

School dragged by today and of course Bella didn't show up but she seldom does nowadays. Emmett and Rosalie climb into my Volvo with me and we head to Bella's house.

I can hear screaming and yelling as soon as we get there. Bella is obviously putting up a fight. Carlise has just arrived and we walk into the house together.

Bella is standing at the foot of the staircase and she is yelling at Charlie who is carrying a suitcase down the stairs.

Renee walks towards me with tears in her eyes.

"I didn't know it was this bad Edward. What has happened to my baby girl?"

She leans in for a hug and I pull her close. Renee is insane but I still do love her.

We stand there crying.

"What are you two crying about? I did this for you. Renee you told me to lose some weight and Edward how did you think I felt as a fatty going out with the school jock?" Bella yelled at us.

I was shocked.

Emmett stepped forward.

"Bella you were never fat. You were normal and now look at you."

"Of course I was fat Em but I changed my ways and now that I have reached my goal weight you are trying to make me eat."

"Bella what was your goal weight?" Rosalie's voice was barely a whisper.

"Seventy Five pounds."

We all gasped at the same time. I knew it was bad but this was worse than I could have imagined.

"What seventy five pounds is perfect for me? I could probably stand to lose some more."

"Bella at your height seventy five pounds means that your body is shutting down. You are killing yourself."

"Dr Cullen you are lying you all just want me to be fat and gross. I know I was the disgusting kid who should have died in the accident but that doesn't mean you have to lie to me. I am not going to a clinic I am going for a run."

"Bella I love you please don't do this." I could hear the panic in my voice.

She pushed passed me and took off towards the forest.

Emmett gave me a look and we both took off running after her.

Bella ran but after starving herself she was weak and we caught up to her in no time. I picked her up in my arms and carried her bridal style to the waiting car. She yelled and hit me but I just kept walking. I could feel the tears running down my cheeks. The girl I loved hated me.

I strapped her into the back seat of Carlise's Mercedes and watched as Renee and Charlie climbed into the car. Carlise put his hand on my shoulder and gave me a weak smile before climbing into the driver's seat. I stood in her driveway watching until the car was out of sight.

JPOV

I was crouched in some bushes under a window of the treatment facility Melody House that Bella had been taken to. We all wanted to know what was happening but her interview with the Doctor at the clinic was private. So I was chosen for eavesdropping duty.

"Bella can you please stand on the scale for me?"

I could hear some movement.

"Seventy four pounds."

I could hear the pen scratch as the Doctor made notes.

She used a tape measure to take various other measurements and I could feel the Doctors concern mounting.

"Please sit down so we can talk. I would like you to answer a few questions for me." The Doctor sat down at her desk and gestured to Bella to sit. I could just make out her name tag as Dr Irene Denali before I ducked down again.

"Bella do you understand why you are here?'

"I just understand that everybody wants the fat girl back."

"Bella we did lab tests during your physical and Dr Cullen wasn't lying to you. If you keep this up you will be dead in a month or less. Your body has already started shutting down. I am guessing that you are cold all the time. You battle to have the energy to complete even a short run. You haven't had a menstrual bleed in about two months maybe more. You have increasingly bad headaches and although you want to do is sleep you battle to actually fall asleep."

Silence

"Bella your family and friends care about you deeply. I know that you have recently survived a traumatic experience. Don't you think that your friends would have wanted you to live your life to the full? They lost their lives that night but you were given a second chance Bella. You are throwing your life away."

Silence

"We are going to start on a basic programme that includes monitored eating and therapy. You are not allowed to exercise until your body is physically ready. If you lose anymore weight you be put on an IV line and feeding tube. Believe me you don't want that. We are all here to help you Bella. You won't be missing out on school as Edward and Charlie will be bringing work for you. I want you to graduate this year Bella. I would like you to go back to Forks in month or two well on the road to recovery and ready to live a long and healthy life. I know you can do this Bella. There are so many people who love and support you. Don't let them down."

I could hear Bella crying now. Hopefully reality had finally sunk in for her.

**Next update tomorrow**** Read and review**!


	9. Chapter 9

_Wow thanks for all the amazing reviews I feel so loved. The more you review, the happier I feel and the more I write. So please review. I would really like to get this story to the 500 review mark. It's a little goal in my head so please help and review. _

_I still don't own Twilight but Dear Sam is coming along very well. Let me know if you think it's a crap title or a good title._

_I am still looking for a Beta and I would like it to be someone you reads my stories so please PM if you are interested_.

**When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears  
When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears  
And I held your hand through all of these years  
But you still have  
All of me... My Immortal**

December

EPOV

The first snow is falling as I drive south towards the clinic. Bella has been there for two months now and it looks like she will be released soon. I can't wait. I am tired of driving for two hours three times a week. It's taking a toll on my school work and my sports commitments. I still make it to everything but I am always so tired. The emotional strain is getting better. The first two weeks just involved fighting Bella and trying to make her see what she was doing to herself and to those who love her.

I am not proud of myself but I walked out halfway through my first visit. It took me six days and a talk from Carlise before I went back.

******FLASHBACK*******

"**Please just take me home Edward. If you love me at all you will take me home."**

"**I want to take you home Bells but you need help. I don't want to lose you."**

**Then the screaming started.**

"**Fuck you Edward Masen. You are a total asshole you know that. I did this for you to make you love me more."**

"**Bella I have always loved you from the moment we met. What you did, you did to yourself."**

"**Yes cause a jock like you loves the fat girl. It was just a pity relationship and you would have thrown me away the second you got a chance."**

"**Have you forgotten every moment we spent together? Did everything I did seem fake to you? I can't believe you Bells?"**

"**Well don't bother coming back here Edward. We are through I don't need your pity anymore. Go fuck Lauren for all I care."**

**I could feel tears stinging my eyes but I wouldn't cry in front of her.**

"**If that's what you want Bells have a nice life."**

**I walked out the door and I didn't look back.**

*******END FLASHBACK******

Carlise had convinced me to go back and be there for her. I hated it but I went back for the Bella that I had known and loved.

A month later that Bella came back. I will never forget the moment she pulled me into her arms and begged for forgiveness. That night I spent three hours at the clinic while Bella broke down and told me everything. Right from what Renee had said to her to what was going through her mind when we forced her to go to the clinic. She told me about her therapy and how she was finally letting go of her guilt about Mike and Jess.

Since then things have really looked up. We spend my time there talking and kissing like two normal people in love. She has gained twenty pounds at the clinic and she looks like my Bells again. They have told her she needs to gain another ten to fifteen pounds at home and that she will need to continue therapy.

Today will be my last visit and in three days time Charlie will be going to fetch her and bring her home.

I pull into the parking lot and make my way to Bella's room.

As I open the door she jumps into my arms.

"Sorry did I hurt you. I know I am picking up weight again."

"Bells you still weigh probably half what I do you are as light as a feather. Plus no more talk like that okay."

"I know it just comes out sometimes."

"So have you packed yet?"

"Of course I am so excited about getting back to my own room and seeing all my friends again."

"Yeah everyone is excited about seeing you. Alice is busy planning a small homecoming party for you. I know you don't know the two of them very well but Ali is really great and so is Jasper. You really will like them if you give them a chance."

"I need to apologise for my cold attitude towards them first. They were both so nice to me and I was a total bitch."

"We all understand Bells. Carlise organised a group therapy session for everyone and the therapist explained your actions. I don't think anybody blames or hates you for what happened. We all just want our Bella home."

"I have started my college application. Would you like to see it?"

"Sure."

We spent the next hour going through her application. I was pretty sure she would get into Dartmouth with an application like that.

**Three Days Later**

**BPOV**

Home. It felt so strange to be back in my room. Two months and everything looked the same. Edward was standing behind me with his arms around me. I couldn't believe we were still together and that he still loved me after all I had put him through. He had been a pillar of strength for me in the past couple of weeks. I wouldn't have pushed through this if it wasn't for Edward. I would fight this and I would stay strong. I owed him that much. I wanted to moved past this and have a life with Edward. I wanted to go to college and become a writer. I wanted to marry Edward and I wanted to grow old with him. I had a life plan now and I was grateful that I had a life. Twice this year I had come close to death. Now it was time to really live.

That night I was taken to a party at the Cullen house. It was an absolutely stunning house and Alice had gone out her way to throw a perfect party for me. The lounge was filled with black and red balloons tied with silver ribbon. A table sat in the middle laden with food and punch. Alice was bouncing around between our group of friends laughing, talking and making sure everybody was happy. The night was filled with hugs from friends and laughter. We all wanted to move on from what had been a horrible experience. Sitting on the couch watching my friends dancing and talking I could feel the love in the room. I finally understood that I was meant to survive and that I was truly loved and cared for by all the people in this room.

_Hope you enjoyed this update. Next one will be up soon I promise _


	10. Chapter 10

Thank you to everyone who is reading this fic. Even if you don't follow the story or review it I am still grateful that you chose to give this story a chance.

**In this time of peace, love and hope will reign**.

AlicePOV

"Come on Bells you know you want to go shopping." I was begging and using my guilt voice.

"No Alice I am pretty sure that I don't want to go shopping two days before Christmas. The stores will be crazy."

"True but I know something that you don't and we need to get you to the shops."

"Alice what is going on?"

"Lets just say I know that Edward has a very romantic surprise planned for you this Christmas and you might want to get some sexy lingerie."

"I don't know if I should be excited or scared."

"You should be very excited. Look I know that you two are both virgins and that you had talked about talking things further before all the trauma of this year. Well Edward has organised everything to give you the most perfect first time."

"Oh God I cannot believe we are talking about this Alice."

Bella buried her head in her pillow.

I sat down next to her and stroked her hair.

"Its a good thing Bella. You guys are so perfect together and I know that you will always be together."

"How can you know that?"

"I have my ways Bella. There are things you don't know about this world and its better that way but believe me when I say that I know."

I looked out the window and stared at the tree line. I had almost said too much without realising it.

Next to me Bella just sighed.

"Alright fine Alice let's get the torture over with."

Two hours later

We had purchased two lovely sets of lingerie for Bella. She had bitched about me paying but eventually given in when I told her they were her Christmas present from me.

I hated seeing her in the change room and how critically she looked at her still too thin body. I wondered if she would ever be able to live without all this pain hanging over her.

We dumped the bag at the back of Bella's closet were Charlie wouldn't see it.

"Bella I need to get home but I will see you on Christmas day."

"Thanks for everything Alice. Enjoy the time with your family."

I gave her a small hug and walked out the door. Something was bothering me lately but I just couldn't see it properly yet. It was frustrating as hell. I would get images of blood flash across my brain and I would hear screaming. I couldn't get any more details than that. I decided to head to the reservation to talk to Sam and find out if he had noticed anything strange lately. I drove my car home and parked in our huge driveway. As soon as the engine stopped I was running across the forest towards the Res. I saw a flash next to me and felt a hand hold my mine. Jasper smiled at me as we ran towards the house of the Alpha Wolf.

Two hours later

Sam POV

All the young men of the tribe were gathered around my lounge while my wife Emily was busy making waffles in the kitchen. Alice and Jasper sat in front of me on an easy chair. The room was silent as we all thought about what the vision Alice had could mean for us.

"Do you have any idea where the vision took place Alice?"

"It was in a building but I am not sure where."

She pushed her tiny hands against her temples as if easing a headache.

"I don't think all the decisions have been made yet which is why it's so blurry. The last one I heard gun shots as well so at least we can be sure we are not dealing with one of our kind."

"Can you see who is lying on the floor yet?" Jacob my second in command asked.

"Nothing yet. I am sorry."

"That's fine Alice just please let us know if you see anything more. You know we are always here to help you."

"Thanks Sam. I just can't shake the bad feeling I have about this."

Alice stood to leave but as she did she fell forwards. Jasper and I caught her before she hit the ground. Her eyes were glazed over and she let out an ear piercing scream.

"Alice what is it? What can you see?"

Jasper held her close to him. I was still shocked seeing Alice go into a vision but I was getting better at handling it over the past six months since they arrived. At first we had been weary of the vampires but we had united in a common goal to rid the area of a nomad vampire. We had since become friends who stood by each other in the crazy world of the supernatural.

Alice was shaking as she slowly sat down again.

"It was Emmett and Rosalie. They are both going to die and soon. I can see other bodies but I can't see who it is yet."

We all sat down again as the reality of what she had just said sunk in. We had to try and stop this by any means possible.

Christmas Day

EPOV

I had planned everything about today. I was having an early lunch with my parents then going to Bella's for the afternoon. Charlie had to work the afternoon shift and he was happy that Bella wouldn't alone on Christmas day.

I arrived at her house just after two in the afternoon. Charlie was walking down the front steps.

"Merry Christmas Charlie."

I extended my hand but he pulled me into a hug.

"Merry Christmas son. Thanks for being here today and for everything this year."

He pulled away and walked towards his car. I had no idea what had prompted his sudden display of affection but I was still happy about it.

I shook my head and walked into the house.

Bella was lying on the couch wrapped in a grey blanket watching Christmas movies.

"Happy Christmas, my love."

I leaned in and kissed her on the lips.

"Hey sexy Merry Christmas to you."

She lifted the blanket and I snuggled in next to her.

We exchanged our small gifts. She had bought me the Pink Floyd Collection CD I wanted and I had bought her a silver necklace with a heart pendant. The heart had forever inscribed on the back.

"I mean it Bella. I am yours forever. I want to marry you one day, have children with you and grow old with you."

Bella turned and pulled me towards her.

"Forever and always Edward. You stood by me through the worst of times and you loved me through the best times. I can't imagine my life with anybody else."

She sat up and pulled off her shirt. I had to swallow hard and think about calculus to stop myself cuming in my jeans. She was wearing a sheer midnight blue bra and it showed off her curves perfectly.

"We don't have to do this Bella."

"Yes we do Edward. Show me how much you love me. Show me that I am alive."

I pulled her flush with my body and kissed her deeply. This would be a first for both of us and I wanted to make it as perfect as possible.

Huh no actual sex scene sorry Yes they did but Lemons aren't the point of this story so I will leave the rest of the scene in your imagination.

So what do you think will happen that will be the death of Emmett and Rosalie but of course there is a twist.

Reviews mean I will post the update this week because let's face it I am a review whore


	11. Chapter 11

Thanks for the reviews and the favourites.

**How Cruel to love something that death can touch**.

APOV

We had been back at school for three weeks now after the Christmas break. I had enjoyed the time back and girly chats with Rosalie and Bella. The problem was my vision wasn't getting any clearer. I could see a building, screaming, blood and the bodies of my two friends. Emmett was holding Rosalie in his arms. Even in death they were in love.

The whole thing was so frustrating. I spent ages at the Res describing what I saw in hope that somebody could help but we got nothing.

Today was Wednesday the 23 January. The day was cold but the sun was peeking through the clouds and I wanted to hunt so Jasper and I took the day off.

We took off for an area about 30 min run from Forks. It felt fantastic to run and leave behind all the thoughts that were worrying me. I felt free for the first time in weeks. I had just spotted an elk in the distance and had changed course towards it. The vision that hit me at that moment knocked me to my knees.

JPOV

"Alice came back to me. Love, what can you see?"

Alice looked at me her face ashen and her eyes filled with fear.

"Call Sam and tell him to find us. We will be heading in the direction of the school. It's an emergency."

I picked up my phone and quickly explained to Sam what Alice had told me all the time running behind her.

We met up with the pack about ten minutes from the entrance to Forks high.

Alice had fallen to her knees and looked at us in despair.

"We are too late. I thought we could make it but it's too late."

At that moment we all heard the sound of gunfire coming from the school.

The sound told me it was a machine gun. Then a second gun started up.

I could feel the fear and panic coming from students in the school.

The wolves phased back to human form and we all started running towards the school.

EPOV

I was disappointed that Jasper wasn't at school today. We had planned on meeting up after school to play some basketball. Alice also missed school today so I guess something must have happened to take them both away.

Its lunch time and we are sitting at our usual table. Bella is eating a cheeseburger. I am crazy happy to see her actually eating. Since we first made love almost a month ago we have been closer than ever. I can really see hope for all of us that we will be okay after the horrible events of last year. Yeah I think I must be full of the joys of love I sound like a fucking girl. I lean over to kiss Bella and I can hear Emmett whopping and making other crazy noises in the background. Then I smack as Rosalie backhands him. I pull away from Bella to see everyone laughing at Emmett. He is such a clown.

I pick up my own burger and sit back in the chair.

That's the moment I hear a scream. Lauren bursts through the cafeteria doors.

"Oh my God it's Tyler he has a fucking gun."

The world seemed to slow down for me. We all hear about high school shootings but you never think it will happen in your school.

Tyler walks in calmly followed by James. They are both loners at school. I don't think I have ever spoken to either of them in all my years at Forks High.

Tyler doesn't even say I word. He just raises the gun and starts shooting. Lauren is the first to die her body hitting the ground in a mess of blood. This can't be happening.

James walks over to our table.

"Hello jocks. You guys think you are all so much better than us. You think we don't even exist. Bella and Rosalie you ignored us when we tried to talk to you. Emmett and Edward you guys think you are Gods above everybody else. Angela and Ben you are both good people what the fuck are you doing at this table. Well guys its time to learn your place in the world and school is in session."

I could hear screaming above James' speech. I look across the cafeteria to the blood spattered walls.

James takes a step back and pulls a 9mm out of his pocket.

I don't even think I just push Bella behind me. I have to save her no matter what.

"A hero hey well I think you can go first."

The pain as the bullet hits my chest is searing hot. My head starts to swim and I barely register as a second shot hits my neck and a third my abdomen. I never thought I would die like this.

I fall backwards knocking Bella down.

I turn my head and see Emmett holding Rosalie. The both have blood coming out of their mouths and their shirts are covered in blood.

Machine gun fire follows and a can just hear more screaming.

The world is starting to blur. Images of my life and fun times with my friends mix with the awful nightmare in front of me.

I see wolves tearing at Tyler and I am sure I see Jasper pulling James apart but it must be my brain playing tricks on me.

As my heart fails I feel arms lift me up.

"It's going to be okay Edward. You are going to be alright."

Then the world went black and I couldn't fell pain anymore.

BPOV

I felt a stinging pain as Edward fell backwards over me. His body pinned me to the ground. I felt another stinging pain and then I blacked out.

RPOV

That fucking bastard just killed Edward without a thought. I lunge towards him and then I feel sharp pains cross my body. I look up to see Tyler's machine gun pointed at me and a huge grin on his face.

I hear Emmett scream and pull me into his arms. I feel the jolt as that slimy James shoots him in the chest and then in the head.

As we fall backwards in each other arms I can taste blood in my mouth. I don't remember much from biology but I know that's a bad sign.

I hold onto Emmett as my life slips away. I concentrate on the happy scenes of my life rather than the horror in front of me.

In my last moment I am sure I see a wolf pulling at Tyler's head and that thought makes me happy.

Emmett POV

He shot my Rose. This is not how my life is supposed to work. I wanted to grow old with my beloved Rosie. Life is so fucking unfair. I ran towards Rose and held her in my arms. The pain as the bullets hit me was unbelievable but I kept holding Rose. If I had to die today than it would be holding the woman I love.

As I hit the ground I tried to cushion her fall. I could see Angela begging for her life. He shot her straight through the neck followed by two shots to her head. When Angela hit the floor the life had already left her eyes. Ben was next and I looked away as he was called a traitor before being shot at point blank range.

I swear I saw Jasper there fighting James but that couldn't be right. He wasn't at school today. A bullet hit him but he kept fighting like it was nothing.

A warm feeling filled me and I closed my eyes for the last time.

APOV

The scene that met us when we arrived at the cafeteria was carnage. Blood covered the walls and bodies littered the floor.

Some of the Res boys helped me start pulling the injured but alive out the door.

Sam and Jacob phased and went for Tyler. He screamed as his limbs were pulled from his body.

Jasper went for James, He yanked the gun away from him before pulling him to pieces.

Sam and Jasper jogged over to me.

"We have to burn this place down or risk being exposed. Those that are left are dead or won't make it anyway."

Jasper turned and ran coming back with a few bodies in his arms. He looked at me and I nodded. He looked at Sam and I could see Sam's conflict but he also nodded at Jasper.

He turned and ran towards the forest.

Sam walked into the building and set the fire.

Jacob walked up to me.

"I can't stay here Jacob. It's best for us if people believe I died in the shooting or the fire. Some people will remember that we weren't at school. Tell them we arrived with you guys to help but that we succumbed to the flames."

"I understand Alice. Just make sure that you keep the new ones under control. I love you little pixie. Take care of yourself until we meet again. Now go quickly before they wake up."

"Take special care of Bella. She will need you with all of us gone."

I glanced for a second at my friend before running towards the forest.

Charlie POV

I was sitting in my office having a cup of coffee when I got the call.

There had been a shooting at Forks High. I felt like I had been punched.

I prayed all the way to the school that my little girl and Edward were alright. I thought of all her friends and the laughter from my house yesterday as they sat watching a movie. How could all this be happening? I was going to kill the bastards who did this.

As I neared the school I saw the flames.

My best friend Billy's son Jacob was sitting on the front steps with his head in his hands. I saw Sam another of the young men from the Res nearby.

Sam walked towards me. He was shaking.

"Charlie we did all we could but so many people died today."

"Sam what exactly happened?"

I was trying to be a police officer first and push the thoughts of my daughter back.

"Charlie first let me tell you Bella is alright. She was grazed by two bullets and she hit her head but she will live. Edward saved her life. He pushed her behind him and took the bullets. I am sorry I know you loved him as a son Charlie. Edward didn't make it."

I felt relief at hearing about Bella and then my world dropped. I had known Edward all his life. He was such a good kid and he made Bella so happy. I knew how much he loved Bella but I never thought it would come to this. I could feel the tears pouring down my cheeks and I did nothing to stop them.

"Charlie a couple of us were out running in the forest and we heard the gun fire. We managed to take down the two shooters but the damage was already done. Alice and Jasper were out running with us. They had decided the day was too nice to spend in school. They both helped us to get the injured out before they both succumbed to the smoke. I am not sure who started the fire but it made our task a lot more difficult. There were many heroes today Charlie from what I hear from those who made it out. Sadly most of the heroes didn't make it."

I swallowed hard and looked at him.

"Did any of Bella's friends make it?"

"Sorry Charlie. Bella was the only one who lived."

He looked out at the horizon for a moment.

"We pulled out thirty nine people Charlie. The rest didn't make it."

I knew that there were one hundred and seventeen students at Forks High. My mind didn't want to think about that.

"What about the faculty?"

"They killed three of the teachers in the cafeteria. The rest were in the staff room and they are fine."

I surveyed the scene of destruction. I could smell the burning human flesh. I turned away from Sam and threw up.

The fire crew had arrived and started to pull bodies from the flames.

I could hear the screams of parents and siblings as more people arrived on the scene.

I didn't even want to look as the pile of body bags grew.

Jacob stood next to me.

"I am going to the hospital to check on Bella. I will see you there later Charlie."

"Thanks Jake I think I will be here awhile. The Feds have been called in. Give her my love and tell her I will be there soon."

I turned back to the grisly task that awaited me.


	12. Chapter 12

So this is the final chapter of Letting Go Part 1. Thanks for the reviews but please send more

**"My Immortal"**

I'm so tired of being here  
Suppressed by all my childish fears  
And if you have to leave  
I wish that you would just leave  
'Cause your presence still lingers here  
And it won't leave me alone

These wounds won't seem to heal  
This pain is just too real  
There's just too much that time cannot erase

_[Chorus:]_  
When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears  
When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears  
And I held your hand through all of these years  
But you still have  
All of me

You used to captivate me  
By your resonating light  
Now I'm bound by the life you left behind  
Your face it haunts  
My once pleasant dreams  
Your voice it chased away  
All the sanity in me

These wounds won't seem to heal  
This pain is just too real  
There's just too much that time cannot erase

_[Chorus]_

I've tried so hard to tell myself that you're gone  
But though you're still with me  
I've been alone all along

JakePOV

Today is the memorial service for all those who died seven days ago. The town is still shaking. It's a small town and everybody lost someone that day.

Bella hasn't said a word since that day. I told her in the hospital that Edward, Rosalie, Emmett, Jasper, Alice, Angela and Ben had all died. She just looked at me and said I know.

Since then she has just sat and stared at the wall or slept. She won't eat and just drinks a few sips of water if I force the issue.

This is worse than last year. Then she was consumed by anger and guilt. She had a driving force behind what she was doing.

Now she is truly lost. Her eyes are dead and I know there is nothing I can do to change that. I sit with her every day for most of the day. I read her favourite books to her even though I think they are shit but she never responds.

Today I have to get her ready for the memorial. Emily comes round to help shower and dress her. Bella is like a rag doll now.

I pick her up and carry her down the stairs. Charlie is waiting for us next to the cruiser. His eyes are red from crying and he looks a shadow of the man he was last week.

The ride to the cemetery was in total silence. All of us lost in our own thoughts.

On the edge of the cemetery a couple of hundred folding chairs had been placed in rows facing a small stage. To the side sat 75 coffins. Next to each coffin was an open grave. There was a curtain behind the stage blocking off a memorial which had the names of all seventy two students and three teachers. I could see news vans surrounding the area. Forks was now officially on the map and everybody would know about it but for all the wrong reasons.

I helped Bella to walk to the front were the other surviving students who weren't in hospital were seated. A girl I knew as Vanessa pulled her into a hug. Bella didn't respond. A smiled a small apology at her before taking my seat with the rest of the pack.

Angela's father had asked a friend to perform the service. I don't think Pastor Webber could say a word. His daughter was gone and nothing could bring her back.

"Friends and family we are gathered here today on the saddest of days for this small town. There is not a person here who has not being touched by this great tragedy. We all lost someone on that horrible day. We will never know why two young boys could be so filled with hate as to kill their own classmates in cold blood. This is not the first such tragedy to befall this country and sadly it will not be the last. We don't know yet how this town will go own having lost so many of its young people. Young minds filled with hope and promise. There were students about to graduate and take on the rest of the world. Instead today we must mourn not only their deaths but their futures. We must say goodbye today and with heavy hearts move on with our lives. "

The minister stepped down and began a blessing over the coffins. I stared up at the cloudy sky. Today was too much for all of us. We all stood and watched as the rollers dropped allowing all the coffins to lower into the graves simultaneously. Time to say Goodbye by Sarah Brightman started to play. I could hear people all around me crying. Sam who was generally so strong was shaking as his own sorrow overcame him.

People stepped forward to place a flower on top of the coffins. I walked towards the grave of Edward Masen.

I bent down and whispered so that nobody could hear me.

"I know that you are not really here mate. I want you to know how much I admire you for being a hero in the darkest of hours. Wherever you are just know that we are thinking of you and I hope that you are okay."

Bella walked up next to me with Sam's help.

She looked at the small marker.

Edward Anthony Masen

21 September 1994 -23 January 2012

Gone but not forgotten

Bella didn't say a word. She just collapsed on the ground sobbing.

I helped her up and together we walked back to the chairs.

"I can't do this Jacob. I can't carry on after this."

It was the first thing she had said in days. I just held her close.

"You will get through this Bella. You are stronger then you think."

We sat down and the minister stood on the stage again.

"Today we would also like to thank the heroes of that day. Some of them gave their lives that day but others are here for us to thank in person. To give your life for another is the greatest sacrifice we can make. We would like to honour and thank Edward Masen, Alice Cullen, Jasper Hale, Jonathan Schimdt and Sarah Taylor. You gave your lives so that others could live. Alice Cullen and Jasper Hale were not even involved in the shooting but both of these courageous youngsters died helping others out of the fire. We would also like to thank the boys from the La Push reservation who managed to stop both shooters and help those who were injured to safety. Sam, Jacob, Paul, Seth, Embry and Collin we cannot thank you enough for what you did that day. I would now like to ask the La Push boys to unveil the monument to those who died on the 23 of January."

We walked up and slowly pulled the cloth off the wall. Seventy five names along with an etching of their last school photo and their ages stood on the wall. At the top of the wall I small inscription read. We will never forget this day; we will never forget you and we will never understand.

People slowly walked away from the service as the rain started to come down on the freshly filled graves. In the far corner I saw two unmarked graves and four people standing next to them watching us. The graves of the two boys who had brought such destruction to this community. I quickly looked away.

BPOV

February

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March

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April 25

I am wasting away and I know it. I haven't gone back to the school and I don't plan to ever. I have been finishing school via correspondence. I hardly eat anymore only when Charlie or Jacob get desperate with me. I don't run now it would only remind me of him and how horrible I was to him those few months last year. I would give anything to go back in time and treasure every second with him. I haven't applied for any colleges. Charlie worries about that but I don't plan on going so what would the point have been. Today I am going to end this suffering that I call my life. I am dying anyway inside and well from the Ana but I have hidden it very well from Charlie this time. At sixty five pounds I am hardly even alive anymore anyway. It's just a matter of time. I want to go now and be with Edward again. I feel bad about leaving Charlie but he has to understand that I died that day anyway. I died the moment those bullets hit Edward.

Life is a haze now. I remember love and I remember laughing but it feels like that was another life. The beach as La Push is freezing and rain is pouring down. I walk slowly towards the cliffs. The sea looks violent and it invites me in to my end. I stand on the cliff top and hesitate for less than a second. As I fall I swear I hear his voice.

"Bella wait don't do this."

The water is freezing as I hit it but within seconds I am warm and then darkness overcomes me.

Edward POV

I followed Bella into the water. In a few seconds I had found her and pulled her to the surface. She was alive but only just. I knew I didn't have the strength to handle my blood lust yet so I ran with her to the old Cullen house in Forks. I just had to hope that she was not too far gone and that Carlise could help her to join us in this new life. I glanced at the Cullen wristband I now wore and ran towards the house.

Hope you enjoyed the story and thanks for reading.


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